Shiel's Blogging Toboggan

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

New Year Ramblings

If I could compose a song such as Fitter Happier by Radio Head and make money off of it I'd be amazing. So would you 0_o:

Never challenging life
purified emptiness
moving slow
careful paces
being civil
eating less
intentions of becoming a model picture
smoking slims
photoshop'n beauty away
keeping gifts
lie
on your back
destroying important artifacts
claim something taxable
running the marathon on the sofa
lowering your voice
to hear the silence
not hitting back
being there
giving more than you have
stealing a lost prize
I'm leaving the party line too
find out what was right was wrong
continuing to lay face down
mudslide
finding love smile
love wakes with the same smile
care free
free of care
kind poison
which works faster
cigarettes or polypropylene
boiling over
saying sorry
worked hard
lost a friend
battling in dance
then sharing a colour
maybe a race
I won
the meaningless rush
forever getting worse
polluted haze
breathe clear
skies painted gray
creating something that is already original
becoming part of the dove commercial
or the gap perhaps
between two cliffs
flow with water
your mother
goose makes rhymes
born
passing away
the moment
lost
then completed the sentence
the dying and the dead
drunk only once
beginning to see the light
flash bang
what was the supernova
what if this happened now
just like population
only on this planet
we'll find the final ending
die.

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Okay now read it again but keep in mind these are song titles.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

My M14

This isn't my rifle but the burden it holds now belongs to me.

Well in the news of shiel; the new addition to my ever growing collection of stuff, an antique, has made a deep impact in my heart. Although, it came from g00k land I still hold in remembrance of the wars that were fought before our time. Having an artifact, such as this, has given me more respect for our lost veterans and the shit they went though. To think many years ago at my age I could have been drafted overseas, fighting for my country, bearing only this rifle and the Word of God to keep me alive, relives me of a fear that I wont ever have to feel. I can't pin point the exact reason why I've felt so war heroic lately. Perhaps it's many reasons and perhaps it serves a purpose in my life. The world war II games that I have been revolving my life around lately also could be a factor. Maybe it's because of my highschool teachers and other mentors who taught me about war and gave me a true love of war history. The moment I saw this gun and splurged on its price tag; it stopped my world and drew me to an epiphany. My heart truly questions: Why wasn't it me in that war? Makes me think of what it would be like losing your face, your name, who you are and everything you worked hard for up until this point. Was it worth working so hard for the things you will inevitably lose? Losing your reputation that you've worked for to gain popularity to a small world in itself. The products of society that claim the name of happiness. If one does not keep in mind that all is lost they in fact are lost. We have nothing but a mind, body and possibly a soul. I look at how life would be being faceless and it inspires me to become transparent. I think that it's the only way you can be truly satisfied or 'happy'. I wish that I could de-modernize my life and see true happiness for all that it is. I know in my time on earth there will be nothing that can truly make me happy. For moments something can: such as a wife who makes me happy for 30-50 years, a dog who claims me as king for 7-15 years, a keyboard and mouse connected to a computer that makes me happy until it's out of date. There are different levels of worldly happiness that we all hide in. We are just lying to ourselves. Take away these things and ask yourself are you happy still? Are you happy alone in a wet trench stripped from the world, naked and cold? War is the center of life; but we have forgotten about the war inside of us. We have let one side take over. There is no balance. War has been on earth ever since it was created. Summer fighting against fall. Winter taking over fall. Spring taking winter into summer. Animals fighting for better territory with better feeding and breeding grounds. The Plaetes of the earth moving to their desired location. There is a center line that gets moved back and forth in all these wars. The line in our battle is against the world and its 'happy' things vs. our soul's desire. Have we found the purpose of our war or are we too caught up inside our safe zones that the world has given us to even realize it has taken us in? Have we been so caught up in the world accept the fact that this war is going on? The only way one can truly be happy is by accepting the fact that we are nothing, we have nothing, use the world and do not let it use you.

This is the soul of man within us all.

Wake the dead.
Serial sleepers slay with words unsaid.
Sleep, with the light on.
And keep the loneliness away;
I feel the darkness anyway.
And I, wish for the dawn.
Rise up, O Sons of God,
and sing the song that hides behind your teeth.
These ears have longed to hear.
On my own.
Waiting for the light, be still
Save our souls from all our dreams come true.

Take these as mild suggestions. I am not preaching!
Stop interfering with other people's lives. Don't risk taking some of their happiness in hopes of gaining happiness for yourself when it will all be lost. Why do you hate someone because they are happy? Is it because you're not happy? Forget about the things that you lost that once made you happy. It will only take time away from your life and make you miserable. Find something new and make it better than the past. Don't count the time you've spent with your friends and compare it to the time you've spent with other friends. There is enough time left in your life to make today and tomorrow seem like gains of sand. Don't hate on your friends for being absent while they get closer to their companion. They will run away with that person someday (you will be there). Instead adapt to the change and learn to be a friend from another point. I assure you the friends I have now, while having a companion, will always be there for me. They have adapted and understand. Dwelling on the things I did will only distance you further from me. As for everyone, if I am distant, rejecting your phone calls or disappearing don't worry I just like to have alot of time to myself. It's not to play W.O.W or DoDs its to think and get back to becoming transparent. Playing computer games is a way for me to shut the world out and deal with shit. It always has been. Please forgive me I mean no harm to anyone. Another note to everyone, I truly love my companion. She makes me incredibly happy. She is also another escape for me when finding my soul.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Shiel's Christmas Special

I hate Christmas with a passion! Its the same shit every fucking year. It starts by rushing around stores and being absorbed by commercialism. Looking at your bank statement and making sure you have enough for your purchases. who are you buying gifts for? your friends, family and significant other (if you have one). You get so stressed out about what you are getting and making sure that they are going to like it. But really when it comes down to it if you dont know exactly what they want chances are they aren't going to use it or they just dont need it. By this time your bank account has been depleted and you're on to your credit cards. Commercialism has claimed its victory. If you have realized this you have already been through 2 packs of cigarettes and you're half way through your third. So now what? you get home from spending every last dime to wrap these gifts to make sure you dont see the reaction of these persons; when they see the most useless item they will receive this year. If they are lucky and get a chance to see the gift they will act surprised, thankful and fulfilled because they finally have some cheap chocolates and a loofah to wipe their ass with in the shower. (Dana the knife is fucking sweet btw this doesn't apply to you) It gets worse. You have gifts and probably many of them sitting under a tree. You wait anxiously until the morning of the 25th to see if you have received anythign useful from 'santa clause'. Now that doesnt seem too bad, but its the routine that will kill you.

The house is quiet and peaceful. The younger siblings have gone to bed and you can finally polish off that nice bottle of brandy. Mind you it was nice earlier in the evening but now its just booze. You now sit and relax because soon christmas will be over and you can splurge some more on boxing day. This is where one might have a final chance to have some self satisfaction by proceeding to buy something large and expensive for them self. It hasn't happened yet. You pass out or make your way to your bedroom to sleep the night away. But not even 20 minutes later your youngest sibling wakes you to go open presents. Now you stumble your way to the christmas tree to open these gifts. Sitting on the couch in a daze thinking about sleep, but you have the whole day planned out for you. Your flatulent grandfather wont stop rumbling the couch. Welcome to hell.

Well the gifts are all unwrapped the kids are off playing with their toys the phone wont stop ringing and your grandpa is still farting on the couch. You wait in silence for breakfast (the only good thing about christmas morning).

Oooo! yay! more gift certificates. well they wouldnt be so bad if you didnt have to spend any of your money to buy something.

My point is Christmas isn't christmas its more like Commercialmass. With out money there would be no christmas. I didn't want anything for christmas btw. Well I did. I wanted money and lots of it. Not in gift certificates unless they were from safeway. Because I wanted to give that money to a family who doesn't have a lot of money. Really I wanted a card from a less fortunate family saying thank you so much because it really would mean something to them and in return mean alot to me.

Send me money I'll pass it on, Give me clothes I'll clothe the cold, Hand me a card and I'll know we'll both be happy.

Think of how much money we would save if we just gave to people who needed it instead of eachother.

So till next year have a heart.

Merry Fucking Christmas;
Shiel