My M14

This isn't my rifle but the burden it holds now belongs to me.


Well in the news of shiel; the new addition to my ever growing collection of stuff, an antique, has made a deep impact in my heart. Although, it came from g00k land I still hold in remembrance of the wars that were fought before our time. Having an artifact, such as this, has given me more respect for our lost veterans and the shit they went though. To think many years ago at my age I could have been drafted overseas, fighting for my country, bearing only this rifle and the Word of God to keep me alive, relives me of a fear that I wont ever have to feel. I can't pin point the exact reason why I've felt so war heroic lately. Perhaps it's many reasons and perhaps it serves a purpose in my life. The world war II games that I have been revolving my life around lately also could be a factor. Maybe it's because of my highschool teachers and other mentors who taught me about war and gave me a true love of war history. The moment I saw this gun and splurged on its price tag; it stopped my world and drew me to an epiphany. My heart truly questions: Why wasn't it me in that war? Makes me think of what it would be like losing your face, your name, who you are and everything you worked hard for up until this point. Was it worth working so hard for the things you will inevitably lose? Losing your reputation that you've worked for to gain popularity to a small world in itself. The products of society that claim the name of happiness. If one does not keep in mind that all is lost they in fact are lost. We have nothing but a mind, body and possibly a soul. I look at how life would be being faceless and it inspires me to become transparent. I think that it's the only way you can be truly satisfied or 'happy'. I wish that I could de-modernize my life and see true happiness for all that it is. I know in my time on earth there will be nothing that can truly make me happy. For moments something can: such as a wife who makes me happy for 30-50 years, a dog who claims me as king for 7-15 years, a keyboard and mouse connected to a computer that makes me happy until it's out of date. There are different levels of worldly happiness that we all hide in. We are just lying to ourselves. Take away these things and ask yourself are you happy still? Are you happy alone in a wet trench stripped from the world, naked and cold? War is the center of life; but we have forgotten about the war inside of us. We have let one side take over. There is no balance. War has been on earth ever since it was created. Summer fighting against fall. Winter taking over fall. Spring taking winter into summer. Animals fighting for better territory with better feeding and breeding grounds. The Plaetes of the earth moving to their desired location. There is a center line that gets moved back and forth in all these wars. The line in our battle is against the world and its 'happy' things vs. our soul's desire. Have we found the purpose of our war or are we too caught up inside our safe zones that the world has given us to even realize it has taken us in? Have we been so caught up in the world accept the fact that this war is going on? The only way one can truly be happy is by accepting the fact that we are nothing, we have nothing, use the world and do not let it use you.

This is the soul of man within us all.

Wake the dead.
Serial sleepers slay with words unsaid.
Sleep, with the light on.
And keep the loneliness away;
I feel the darkness anyway.
And I, wish for the dawn.
Rise up, O Sons of God,
and sing the song that hides behind your teeth.
These ears have longed to hear.
On my own.
Waiting for the light, be still
Save our souls from all our dreams come true.

Take these as mild suggestions. I am not preaching!
Stop interfering with other people's lives. Don't risk taking some of their happiness in hopes of gaining happiness for yourself when it will all be lost. Why do you hate someone because they are happy? Is it because you're not happy? Forget about the things that you lost that once made you happy. It will only take time away from your life and make you miserable. Find something new and make it better than the past. Don't count the time you've spent with your friends and compare it to the time you've spent with other friends. There is enough time left in your life to make today and tomorrow seem like gains of sand. Don't hate on your friends for being absent while they get closer to their companion. They will run away with that person someday (you will be there). Instead adapt to the change and learn to be a friend from another point. I assure you the friends I have now, while having a companion, will always be there for me. They have adapted and understand. Dwelling on the things I did will only distance you further from me. As for everyone, if I am distant, rejecting your phone calls or disappearing don't worry I just like to have alot of time to myself. It's not to play W.O.W or DoDs its to think and get back to becoming transparent. Playing computer games is a way for me to shut the world out and deal with shit. It always has been. Please forgive me I mean no harm to anyone. Another note to everyone, I truly love my companion. She makes me incredibly happy. She is also another escape for me when finding my soul.

posted by Whiteshiel @ 2:47 AM Comments: 0